Paradox Personified: Rigid Flexibility

Written By Stacy Willis

A Word of Caution

Let me start by saying that I don’t purport to have created any of the ideas or concepts discussed in this series. Many smart minds for centuries have noticed the things I’ll cover. Many scientists have studied them. Many authors have written about them.


This series is a way for me to attempt to catalog the mess of information that exists in my own mind from years of observation, voracious reading, and weirdly obsessive research. Right now I have something in my mind that looks vaguely like my kids’ bedroom after they’ve had friends over, emptied every toy drawer onto the floor, and then set a bomb off for good measure.


I’d prefer that it look something like a pinterest mom’s perfectly decorated child’s bedroom with every detail just right: perfectly homey, with a touch of “lived-in,” but somehow immaculately clean. (What kind of alien children must live in this room?!) I know that it is somewhat of an unrealistic goal to get to that point, so I’ll settle for a bedroom with some semblance of organization that was recently cleaned.


I’ve learned that in order to ever get my mind to produce anything like that, I first have to word vomit everything onto paper (or in this case a keyboard). So here we go.

About the Paradox Personified Series

This series will go through many of the different ways in which successful people exhibit a beautiful balance of seemingly opposing traits or ideas. On their face, each of the different subjects of this series will seem like they don’t fit together or couldn’t exist at the same place at the same time.


But watching people who are high performers, who are unique, who are amazing, you’ll see that they are able to inexorably weave two contradictory traits or ideas together creating a gracefully choreographed dance between opposites, resulting in something incredible and beautiful.


The goal of this series is to start to recognize these paradoxical traits or ideas, and then learn how to weave them into our own lives, learn how to harness the power of opposites, and grow.

Rigid Flexibility

This entry in the series came first from observing the people in my life I’m most amazed by, the kind of people who have gained objective success but also are loved by nearly all who interact with them. They are people who I would follow off a cliff, people who I respect to the highest degree. And, in all cases, I’m not remotely the only person who feels that way. Others who know them would all say something similar.


And then I started to notice traces of this trait-pair in biographies I read about people who achieved the highest level of success and managed to have a community of people around them who had nothing but the most wonderful things to say about who they are as a person.


These individuals all have what I call rigid flexibility. There are certain parts of their personality and behavior that are immovably rigid, while they also manage to exercise incredible flexibility where it is needed.

Rigid

These individuals are highly “rigid.”


They have the most rigid code of ethics or set of core values on the planet. Their sense of right and wrong is so staunchly laid in place that it couldn’t be moved by forces on heaven or earth. They have an innate, strong, principled foundation from which they do not waiver.


These people also have a strong, single-minded, dogged determination to hit a final goal. Every day they get up and keep moving toward that end state, persistently chipping away bit by bit. Much like digging a tunnel out of Shawshank (only hopefully not to end up in a sewage drain), no amount of brick walls will stop them from reaching their goal.

Flexible

These individuals are also highly “flexible.”


Somehow at the same time that these very high performing people demonstrate incredible stability at their foundation, they have the ability to simultaneously be incredibly flexible. They are so flexible they are almost chameleons.

You can put them in any situation and watch them learn and shift to be successful in that situation, no matter if they’ve done it before. You could easily imagine them being successful in any role, in any industry, at any organization. It wouldn’t matter where you dropped them, they could bend, and stretch, and flex, and figure out how to make it work.

The Interplay Between Rigidity and Flexibility 

The beauty of each of these traits isn’t in their independence but in their interplay. The solid foundation these individuals build on a core set of values from which they know they will never budge allows them to make very easy and clear decisions on where and how to flex in order to continue aiming toward those values.


The solid foundation is what gives them stability from which to exercise flexibility. The book “Good to Great” by Jim Collins shows the power of this in action. His findings after studying companies in all industries and of all types showed that those which were most successful kept 80% of what they did completely the same, and only changed, at most, 20% of what they were doing as they pivoted to change and grow over time. 


The 80%, their secret “recipe” or core values, is what guided them like the light at the end of a tunnel, and they only adjusted as needed 20% of the time. They made small decisions to more clearly aim themselves at that light at the end of the tunnel. This was contrasted by companies who were “pivot happy” and changed constantly to try and stay ahead of trends and be “the next big thing.” Companies which took that approach were simply not as successful in the long run.


In all of the people I’ve interacted with in my life that have this trait, I’ve found that I deeply admire their adherence to a very ethical, fundamental set of values. I trust them implicitly because they don’t waiver or waffle. They will adhere to those values, even in the face of a decision that might cause them pain. Even when it is hard for them.


This stability gives them the power to look at any situation and clearly see what they can alter, adjust, or maneuver to set themselves on a course to live out those values. It gives them the perspective to make those flexible choices, and to know exactly when to flex. This knowledge of when to bend and when to remain resolute is where their true power comes from.


Adam Grant’s “Think Again” also heavily reinforces this dichotomy of traits. Those who are most successful are open to rethinking nearly anything about “how” they might do something, but they almost always know “what” they are trying to achieve. Openness to adjusting one’s thinking, or flexibility, is key to personal growth. But knowing why you are adjusting your course, and where you are aiming is like the compass pointing north; without it you’ll never know where you are going.

Examples of Rigid Flexibility

It is no surprise that rigid flexibility is so powerful in personalities given that you can see this interplay in nature, or the physical world, all the time.


Trees are a prime example of rigid flexibility. The tallest trees in the world have the strongest root systems. They have an incredibly strong, solid foundation from which they can safely grow. But in order to stay strong and weather storms, those same trees must also be able to bend and shift in the wind. Without their flexibility, they would be pushed over in the storm, and without their strong root systems they wouldn’t have the stability from which to flex while remaining standing.


You can see this principle everywhere. You can see it in the building of houses and earthquake-proofing of tall buildings. There must be an incredibly strong and sturdy foundation, while allowing for flexibility in the structure to meet, and withstand, the forces of the environment. You can see it in yoga, exercise, and dance. To perform movement with grace and flexibility, athletes must first have a foundation of strength and practice before they can execute the movements to perfection.

How to Increase Your Rigid Flexibility

I want this series not just to recognize diametrically opposed traits, and how they can foster success, but give concrete practices and ideas on how to implement them in our lives. I envision this section of each article growing and expanding over time. 


What lives here will be information I’ve collected from smart minds, or practices I’ve found help me in my own life to deepen these traits. I also want your ideas of how you work this into your life. I want this to be a library, a resource center, for all of us to reference when we need a new idea or a little help from a friend.

Do Yoga

For me, the practice of yoga helps me first execute the dichotomy of rigid flexibility physically, which helps improve my ability to do it in other areas of my life. I try to practice Bikram Yoga at least 2x a week, and I find that it reminds me, on a regular basis, how to use the power of strength in a posture as the foundation from which to stretch and increase range of motion. The mindset, and strength this brings, spills over into all areas of my life without me having to even think about it.

Write Down Your Core Values 

Go through the practice of writing down your core values. This one comes from things I’ve learned reading both “The Practice of Groundedness” by Brad Stulberg and “High Performance Habits” by Brenden Burchard. Write down not just your values, but how you want them to look in practice. 


For instance one of your core values might be “Integrity.” Writing down how that looks might be: “making the right decision in any situation, even if it isn’t the easy one.” Suddenly this becomes actionable, and much easier to keep in your brain. This practice helps to build your rigid, sturdy foundation.

Read

Regularly reading helps keep me open to new ideas, it helps to expose me to new ways of thinking and keeps my brain flexible. It also helps me discover new people and concepts that align with my core set of values, helping reinforce that strong, sturdy foundation. Some great books that also, in some way or another, address this dichotomy itself are:

Seek Community

This one aligns with a ton of what Brad Stulberg covers in “The Practice of Groundedness.” Finding people who truly align with your core set of values, and putting time and effort into building those relationships helps to reinforce your sturdy foundation. Having a “braintrust” of people who deeply align with you, and who are willing to give you candid feedback when making tough decisions is unmeasurably valuable. 


They are the people who recommend kick-ass books to you like the one referenced three sentences ago (thanks, Trevor!). They are people who you text when you are facing a tough decision, or who connect you to a powerful network of other incredible women who all display these traits (thanks, Joy!). They are the people who will make you a better version of yourself, whether you like it or not (thanks, husband).

Help Me Add More

I want to make this list miles long. I want to have a thousand different ideas for myself, and to share with others, on how to be even more rigidly-flexible. So please, please, message me with the ways you have seen these traits in action, great book recommendations you have, and with any practices you have on deepening your ability to balance these two incredible traits.

Stacy Willis
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